A bad day...

the good that comes out of the bad stuff... hoping that more journaling will help me stay sane.

yesterday, i had a meltdown. i am sure my pregnancy hormones are mostly to blame along with the fact i was living on only 2 hours of sleep. it was so bad that i asked erghe to leave work early so that i could vent to him. it started when i couldn't fit a bookshelf into my car that i so wanted from someone off craigslist. i paid the lady and tried for 20 minutes to get it into my car. then i tried to call a few friends to help me and they didn't answer their phones... so i had to go back up to the ladies house and tell her i had to give it back. from there i spiraled... i started sobbing, thinking about how much time i wasted driving to get the bookshelf, how i could have been at home taking advantage of the kids sleeping, thinking about how i have drifted from my friendships and how much i desperately want to have a close friend to share my motherhood woes with, thinking about how i shouldn't be feeling sorry for myself.... i was feeling really pathetic, crying over such nonsense. but i couldn't stop. i cried the whole way to pick up erghe from work. thank goodness for him. he talked some sense into me and i ended up feeling not so pathetic.

oh yeah, the 2 hours sleep thing... monday night i was in the hospital visiting my grandma who had a cardiac arrest and was hanging on by a thread. whew... she knows how to stir us up. we thought we were going to loose her that night, the doctors had nothing good to say. she is a fighter... on a ventilator and heavily sedated, her vital signs improved so much! later today they are going to remove the breathing tube. the numbers aren't good, and she has a big fight ahead of her, but we are hopeful that she can pull through this.

things on the home front are going good... i am looking forward to having our first christmas in our new home. it is so nice to be able to have space to be alone, for the kids to play, for us to have dinner together as a family and the list could go on forever. there is a lot of things to be done to the house, in time we will get them done. i am so grateful for erghe's mom who through all of the bad times has stuck with us and gave us such a wonderful gift and made it possible for us to get this house! she has such a big heart.

whew... i feel better. yesterday is behind me and i am ready for now! kids playing, better hop to getting some gifts done...